Tales from the darkside - actual Dr. Phil comments

Hi all,

I am continuing my war against Dr. Phil, and have encountered several ridiculous, yet ostensibly genuine, opinions expressed on his message board. Some of the more entertaining ones I will reproduce below.

This one references an episode about revenge.

"That's the subtitle for the upcoming "Star Wars" movie on May 19. Back in 1983, "Return of the Jedi" was going to be called "Revenge of the Jedi," but the producers realized that Jedi do not carry out revenge, that is a characteristic of one of evil such as the Sith; hence, the Episode III title. As a Jedi, all I can say is two wrongs do not make a right and attacking in anger is a one-way ticket to the dark side. Avenging one's death will not bring them back sadly. I hope any of you considering revenge will do the right thing. (emphasis added by author)"

Yes, my friends, this one apparently thinks he is a jedi. There is some measure of irony in a clearly delusional man offering mental health advice, don't you think?

Here is a comment from an episode that discussed pornography. One poster suggested that pornography leads to rape. Another poster who happened to be a Pd.D. psychology student (and wasn't me) pointed out that the quoted studies didn't really demonstrate what she claimed they demonstrated. She issued this response,

"All those statistics have references. You're welcome to research the studies. At the same time, I don't think you need to be a scientist to figure out that pornography destroys marriages and destroys real sex between married people.

I wonder if you have seen pornography. Unfortunately I've seen it, and what I saw was dominating and degrading toward women. I've heard the way men talk about women after seeing pornography. There is a huge difference in the treatment of women by men who look at pornography and men who don't.

A man who looks at pornography will compare his wife to the women in pornography. He will likely attempt to get his wife to perform some of the degrading acts women in pornography engage in. Above all, his motivation will be LUST not love. He will think of how he can use his wife to get off, the way men in porngoraphy do. And maybe after that he can brag to his pornography-watching buddies about how he "got laid."

How could such a marriage be a happy marriage. The sex life of those two people would be destroyed. The woman would feel degraded and violated, the man would feel like he has the right to get what the guys in pornography get and will try to pressure his wife to give it to him. This will only make the woman feel disgusted whenever she imagines sex with him.

There will be no love, no respect, no tenderness, no complete giving of self that true conjugal love requires.

You said that your professor didn't say anything negative about pornography... well, I've heard of highly educated people who think that homosexual sex, threesomes, swinging etc. are normal. (And those who disagree are repressed puritans.) Just because one professor thinks a certain way, doesn't mean it's fact. There are many scientists and law enforcement professionals who DO think that pornography and sexual offenses are connected."

So there you have it folks ... if you are married you best avoid porn because it will DESTROY your sex life and result in husbands engaging in unseemly discussions about their wives with their other degenerate friends. Oh, and whatever you do, don't listen to scientists; they are all just Godless sex freaks themselves constantly engaging in bizarre and unnatural acts with both man and beast when they get a few moments off from data entry and statistical analysis. Having been thus informed, you might be wondering exactly how immoral pornography happens to be. Luckily, the same poster tells us in a latter entry.

"I think there are things that are absolutely wrong, all the time. (Such as murder, rape, pornography etc.) There's nothing you can say that will make these things okay. You can corrupt your mind and heart, but as long as there's humanity left in you there'll be revulsion at those things."

Yes, pornography is comprable to murder and rape. On to the next post.

This was in response to Dr. Phil's visit to the Osbournes.

"I'm very disapointed in some message on this board,some peolpe should be ashamed a lot more then the osbourne.ITS SO EASY TO POINT FINGERS IN DIRECTION OF OTHERS TO MAKE OURSELF LOOK BETTER i'm saying that for everyone who think the osbourne are such an anormal familly.

I think they have courage to do what they do ,and there is nothing absoulutly anormal whit this familly,and to top it of i'M very suprised that they are so much like us AMERICANS (by AMERICAN I mean also canadians ) THEY ARE NOT FROM AMERICA they are from a place were poeple are a lot more judge then here,so for the fact of beeign who they are and were there from i consider them to be extremly courageous to do such a thing, because british people are more reserved then us and they are more strick on behavior mostly in public.

AND I'd like to also tell you about ozzy, I was a teenager in the early 90's and i taugh of him to be sadistic and wondered sometimes if he was not the anti christ.

Well I was so wrong ,he his a normal person who do shows for a living and a lot of poeple like him (its a fact he's famous )and we should not forget that the people who like him for his music are poeple, who have been abused,neglected and worse then we could think . as mush has he has some fans in high society in ministers cabinet ,gouverment cabinet who enjoye his music.

(it goes on for awhile here so I took out the middle paragraphs)

so I think there are normal typical familly of this time in history and year of ages.

and behing hypocrites and denying who we are and what we do and point the fingers at others his hurtfull demeening incomprehentional.

I dont realy know them but from what i've seen this his my opinions and i dont think badly anymore of ozzy the way i did in the 90's and i still wont listen to his music its not my style.

I aplaude and apreciate there courage."

Umm... what? I don't get it. Are ministers and members of high society abused, neglected, and worse? "year of ages," what was that about. Oh, and lest you think the poster's use of "anormal (sic)" was a typo -- it was used TWICE! And what was up with that "by Americans I mean also Canadians." What about Mexico, El Salvador, or Panama?

Well, this is likely to be the last post for a couple weeks. I leave with my wife for Europe (and by Europe I mean exclusively Ireland) tomorrow.

Passive-aggression and Dr. Phil

Hi all,

Well, I may not have posted anything new for awhile, but at least I posted the same message several times. Oh well, my computer ineptitude strikes again.

I have recently begun a clandestine campaign to annoy Dr. Phil as much as he annoys me. You see, Dr. Phil’s cliché-filled, simple solution focused, confrontational horseshit is now what many people think constitutes therapy. It doesn’t, and none of the crap he spews will work. Unfortunately, actual therapists now have to compete with this hillbilly Hippocrates when counseling clients suffering from complicated and multifaceted problems. Even worse, I am certain there are a tremendous number of clients who are unwilling to come to actual therapy because they think it will be as hokey and mean-spirited as the so-called “wake-up calls” issued by Dr. Phil.

My first tactic in my Dr. Phil war is to infiltrate his message board and take him down from the inside. To this end I intend to post messages on their board until I am kicked off. Here was my first attempt. It concerns some episode in which a 13-year old girl claimed to want to get pregnant or something (I don’t know exactly because I only skim the recaps).

“Wow. All of you seem to be as quick to judge as Dr. Phil. I guess I have a couple of questions I’d like to have answered before branding “harlot” onto the poor 13 year-old’s forehead. First, if she wanted to be pregnant and truly thought she could handle a kid, why is she asking for birth control? Using condoms doesn’t seem terribly consistent with getting pregnant. Second, if she wanted to have sex undeterred, why would she tell her mother anything at all? I know when I was a teenager I did everything in my power to ensure my mother did not discover what I was doing with whatever partner I was seeing at the time. The 13 yo’s mother doesn’t seem to have a lot of time for her; why is that? What circumstances in their lives contribute to this state of affairs? Are there unavoidable financial pressures that compel her to work long hours? How has her mother been treated by men? In what way may this serve as a model for the way she is being treated by men (or boys)?

It is amazingly arrogant of all of you to assume you really understand someone after seeing them interviewed for 15 minutes between commercials for Tide and Walmart. I wonder how aspects of your life would appear if compressed into easily digestible 15 minute summaries. Would all of your parenting decisions stand up to such quick and facile evaluation?”

This biting criticism garnered no response at all though it was posted on the site. For my second attempt, I used a different strategy. This time I was subtly sarcastic in response to a moronic thread in which a whole bunch of white-trash Dr. Phil fans were suggesting that a rude 14-year-old girl should be spanked.

“Dr. Phil is right. People need to own their own actions. I don’t think Jodie is owning her actions right now, but her parents are owning their actions either. Everyone in the family seemed pretty impulsive. I know I was impulsive when I had ADHD. Maybe Jodie has ADHD. Her mother may have it as well. You shouldn’t spank Jodie if she has ADHD, she just needs a prescription for amphetamines. Then maybe everyone could take responsibility for what they contribute to the negative interaction and their could be some peace in their house.”

I fear the amphetamine comment may have made things a bit too obvious. I will keep y’all posted.

And fuck Dr. Phil!